


The Inquisition Needs Sex Advice

by caitirin



Series: The Chronicles of Teithranen Lavellan: Plant-Obsessed Soft-Hearted Inquisitor [7]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Also inclined toward extravagant lies, Bull is expert level, Can I ask you a personal question?, Embarrassed Inquisitor, Embarrassment, Healthy Relationships, Humor, M/M, Ribbons, Sex Talk, Varric Tethras is a Good Friend, advice from friends, let's talk about sex, performance anxiety, soft hearted inquisitors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 16:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14453718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitirin/pseuds/caitirin
Summary: Inquisitor Teithranen Lavellan is powerfully attracted to Dorian Pavus, but he hasn't a lot of experience in that area.  What if sex with humans is really different?  What if he makes stupid mistakes?  He needs some advice.Who in Skyhold can you go to for sex advice?  Who better but the resident romance novelist?----Varric leaned against the walls.  “So what’s on your mind? Are we plotting some secret scheme?”Tei looked down at his hands, fidgeting a little.  “Umm, well... so. I kissed Dorian the other day.”Varric leaned in conspiratorially.  “I don’t know if you realize this, but that’s not exactly a secret.  You were walking practically five feet off the floor of Skyhold when you left the library.”  Varric chuckled.





	The Inquisition Needs Sex Advice

**Author's Note:**

> My Inquisitor's name is Teithranen Lavellan (Tei). Also Varric calls him Leafy because he's always foraging for plants and eating leaves.

“Hey Varric, I have a personal question.”

Varric looked up from his notes.  He was sitting in his favorite chair by the fire when Tei walked up to him.  “Hey Leafy, shoot, but be warned I’m inclined toward extravagant lies.” He grinned.

Tei rubbed at the back of his neck and looked around a little nervously.  The tips of his long, sharp ears were faintly pink. “Maybe we could talk... somewhere a little less... public?”

Varric tidied up his papers and tucked them into a portfolio.  “Sure thing. Let’s go for a walk on the battlements, that work?”

Tei nodded, relieved.  “Yeah. Thanks. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Nothing that can’t wait.  I could use a break and some fresh air anyway.”  Varric got up and headed out of the great hall. They ambled down to the courtyard and Varric let Tei wind his way up the far stairs to a sunny spot near the mage tower where they could talk without being overheard by everyone in Skyhold.

Varric leaned against the walls.  “So what’s on your mind? Are we plotting some secret scheme?”

Tei looked down at his hands, fidgeting a little.  “Umm, well... so. I kissed Dorian the other day.”

Varric leaned in conspiratorially.  “I don’t know if you realize this, but that’s not exactly a secret.  You were walking practically five feet off the floor of Skyhold when you left the library.”  Varric chuckled.

Tei’s face blushed red almost immediately.  “No, I know that. That’s fine. I know people talk about us.  Mother Giselle made sure I knew that.” He shook his head. “It’s not that.  Although, it’s still weird as heck that everyone wants to know my business. I mean, I was used to that back home, but that was just part of being a clan; it was like having ten moms around constantly, so you couldn’t have secrets.  But here it’s like people think it’s a sport. I don’t understand it, but I know about it.”

“Okay.  All right, then, what’s the problem?”

“I just... well.  Um,” Tei ran a hand back through his hair.  “Well, I sort of want to... you know.”

Varric chuckled.  He could see where this was going.  “Have him meet you in your quarters and fuck you senseless?”

Tei’s ears shot up, almost twitching.  “Is it that obvious?” He covered most of his face with his hands, and mumbled from behind them.  “But... also yes. So much yes.”

Varric pulled Tei’s hands down.  “Hey, he’s a good-looking guy. Great sense of humor.  What’s the problem?” Varric patted Tei on the back. “I say go for it.  I’m not sure what you’re looking for here. Some kind of permission? Blessing?”  He chuckled and looked up at Tei. “You’re not looking for a third party? Because if that’s it, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not the dwarf for that.”

Tei gasped and looked over at Varric with shock.  “ _ What?! _  You’re my friend, I would never--”  Tei waved his hands, trying to recover and indicate that he hadn’t meant to be rude, in case Varric was offended.

Varric laughed out loud.  “Catch your breath, Leafy.  I was just teasing.” 

Tei pressed his palms to either side of his face.  “Sorry, I just... well. I’ve never really... done... that much before.”  He looked over at Varric, embarrassed. 

Varric raised an eyebrow.  “Am I going to have to give you ‘The Talk’?  Is that’s what’s happening here?” He forced himself not to laugh.

Tei ducked his head, tugging at the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck.  “No! I mean, I know how stuff works. Mostly. I think. In theory. But... I’ve only ever messed around with other Dalish.  I don’t know how it would work with a human. What if it’s really different?”

Varric paused for a moment.  He didn’t want to make Tei feel awkward after trusting him with such a personal confession.  “Well... we’ve camped enough times that you ought to have noticed that the plumbing is basically the same, kid.  Right?

Tei nodded.  He’d definitely noticed.  

Varric shrugged.  “Well, other than that I’ve got nothing to tell you, kid.  I’ve never had sex with a human man either, but I’m pretty sure most of those things you did ‘messing around’ with other Dalish will probably work on Dorian too.”

Tei worried the hem of his shirt.  “But how am I going to know? What if he likes something different?”

“...Ask him?”  Varric said. 

Tei looked over at him with anxiety on his face.  “What if he thinks I’m stupid and inexperienced? What if I’m a disappointment?  I mean he’s probably done lots more... stuff than me.”

Varric held up a hand.  “Hey, let’s get one thing clear here, kid.  Any potential lover that thinks you’re stupid for wanting to talk about sex and what does or doesn’t feel good is not someone you want to be entangled with, in the sheets or otherwise.  Talking is very important before you get to any of the naked stuff.” Varric squeezed Tei’s arm to reassure him. “Besides, the way he looks at you, it’s clear he’s crazy about you. He’s not going to think you’re stupid.  And sure, maybe he’s had more experience, but that just means he’s better equipped to help you figure things out. And as for being inexperienced, don’t worry about it; you can both learn what you like as you go along. That’s half the fun.  And it should be fun. Got it? If you’re not having a good time, you need to say something. A good lover wants to know that you’re enjoying yourself too.”

Tei breathed out a sigh of relief.  “Really? Okay. Thanks, Varric.” He chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.  “I think I can do that.”

Varric smiled.  “Anytime. I might not have ‘hands-on’ experience with your flavor of lover, but this kind of stuff is way better than talking about fade rifts and Corypheus.”  Varric shook his head. “ _ Way _ better.”  He paused. “Just out of curiosity, though... why not ask Tiny about this?  He’s definitely had hands-on experience.”

Tei’s eyes widened.  “Bull?” He laughed a little.  “I don’t think I’m ready for his level of advice yet.  I think I need the introductory class, and Bull seems more like expert level.”

Varric laughed loudly, doubling over.  “Yeah, I see what you mean. But, really, I’m pretty sure he could give you some intro level tips too.  Everyone has to start somewhere. He’s a good one for bouncing writing ideas off. We had a long chat in the tavern the other day about what’s coming next in Swords and Shields, now that you convinced me to keep writing that stupid series.  Just changed out ropes for ribbons and gags for blindfolds and it should work fine for the story.”

A blush crept back into Tei’s cheeks. “Ribbons...”

Varric snorted.  “Okay, now this conversations is getting perilously close to things that you wanna talk to Dorian about, not me.”  He clapped Tei on the back. “Good luck. Go get him, Leafy.”

Tei put his hands on his face, feeling the flush in his cheeks.  “Thank you, Varric.” 


End file.
